Introspection

Few people take a hard look at themselves in the mirror by choice. When they do, its invariably because of a crisis or tragedy.

I am no different.

There are many other things that need to be said out loud, to be admitted to. Not just to fill a page, but as catharsis.

The choices that I have made in life haven't really worked out. The kicker is that I knew the path I choose would lead inevitably to the state of things now but I was too weak, too late. My weakness is procrastination. And fear. Always the fear. Fear of failing so much that I don't work up the courage to even try. So fearful that I completely blocked things out. Underneath it all, I'm a deeply fearful man. I've really let myself go. I can't control my eating, so I'm overweight. I can't climb a flight of stairs without losing my breath because I've been smoking a pack a day since I was 12. 160,000 fags. My lungs are carbonized by now. A change is necessary because I can't live like this anymore.

Desperate times require desperate measures, and having smoked my last cigarette, I write in earnest. I suppose you have to substitute one addiction for another for it to work.

Between Alpha and Omega

I stared this blog a while ago but the words never really came. Primarily it was to be about my travels, hence the title.

I think I'll just rant instead.